I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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