dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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