so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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