Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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