im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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