i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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