Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
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If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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