I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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