we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
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She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
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Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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