i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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