walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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