Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
where are my eyebrows?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize