Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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