I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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