So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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