Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
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Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
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My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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