I just made out with a guy for $7.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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