i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
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you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
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You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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