Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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