Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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