i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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