my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize