sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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