Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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