sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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