My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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