My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Your cock deserves a montage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize