What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
did i walk over a car last night?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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