If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
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last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
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Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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