i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize