I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
only you would photoshop your dick
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
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