You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize