cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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