90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize