Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize