After last night, I could never be a politician.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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