where does the pee come out of this thing
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
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She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
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I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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