How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
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You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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