Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize