I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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