i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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