I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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