I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My balls are so social today.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize