He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize