i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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