literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
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No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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