An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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