my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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