My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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