i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
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I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
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I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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